Survivor voices Valentine’s Day domestic abuse campaign

A York survivor of domestic abuse is fronting a new campaign to help raise awareness and encourage others to seek help.

Launched by City of York Council, the campaign aims to raise awareness of coercive and controlling domestic abuse ahead of Valentine’s Day, centring around a local survivor’s moving personal story.

The campaign features If I could tell myself, a poem written by Nikki, a resident of York who has survived domestic abuse.

Drawing on Nikki’s own experiences, the poem reveals some of the common tactics used by abusers to control their victims, which include gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and isolating victims from friends and family.

It also explores some of the reasons why many victims find it difficult to leave abusive relationships – explaining that the writer felt “so trapped and hopeless that staying in fear was better than attempting escape”.

Sadly, Valentine’s Day is frequently used by perpetrators to lull their victims into a false sense of security using emotional manipulation and controlling behaviour.

An example of this might be showering a partner with excessive gifts and attention in an attempt to keep victims close – a practice commonly known as ‘love bombing’.

The poem was read aloud by Nikki, who has chosen to remain anonymous, in a video shown for the first time at an event held (yesterday) for York businesses.  

Attendees heard from a range of support organisations, including IDAS and Foundation, and the council’s domestic abuse engagement team.

The event explored how employers and public-facing businesses can support survivors, from recognising the common signs of abuse, to safely signposting those experiencing it to access the support they need.

In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, the poem will be broadcast on local radio, published in online and print media and shared on social media to raise public awareness of the issue, tackle misconceptions – such as the idea that domestic abuse is always physical, or that those experiencing it ‘can just leave’, and encourage York residents to seek help for themselves or on behalf of a loved one.

Cllr Lucy Steels-Walshaw, Executive Member for Health, Wellbeing and Adult Social Care at City of York Council said:

 “This moving and powerful poem illustrates the deep emotional and psychological impacts of domestic abuse, which can make you feel unsafe in your own home and force you to doubt your self- worth.

“It’s incredibly inspiring to see a local survivor taking control of her own story and sharing it to raise awareness and help others who might be struggling behind closed doors.

“Sadly over 4,000 people in York are currently estimated to be experiencing domestic abuse, with a further 16,000 residents having experienced it at some point in their lives. Domestic abuse negatively affects so many lives, which is why we are committed to preventing it, raising public awareness and understanding of this issue, helping people spot the signs and helping victims get the support they need, including to hold perpetrators to account.

“I hope that this poem will resonate and go some way to making  those experiencing domestic abuse realise that they’re not alone, and enable  others to begin to understand what it’s like to feel trapped in an abusive relationship.”

You can watch a narration of the poem here

If you’re concerned about your relationship, or that of someone you know, speak to someone you trust, or can find advice and support from IDAS, either online or by calling 03000 110 110.

Support is also available for those causing harm from Foundation’s Positive Choices programme or by calling 01904 557491.

ENDS